Statesman Total Freakout

Back about 3-4 weeks ago, Sedated Alice had a really ambitious idea to explain a change she wanted to use to explain an evolution in her character Aestas. the idea was to put together a statesman task force with her friends and see what would happen. She had a goal in mind and the hopes that as the team leader, she could develop the story within and along the task force storyline.

It lasted about 10 seconds, as when E.VAC and Fyre Hex showed up, it was anger and accusation directed at Kill Favored's character Masonry. The bickering and anger spilled over to the rest of us and killed a good idea and turned it into a test of will, and a 'death-march' that left all of us upset, pointing fingers, and hurt. I got upset that Fyre and E both blasted the chance for a story by sabotaging it with IC angst and anger. In turn both of them were upset at what they felt was IC stuff that became for them, direct attacks upon themselves.

Aestas suffered the most, for it was her idea that was blown apart and the chance for a neat story flushed away. The TF went forward at a reasonable pace but the tension between people and their attitudes, mine included continued to fray and reduced the fun to a epehmeral thing that would die as soon as it appeared. StarWyng (my character) hit 50, and I've never felt closer to deleting a character than I did those moments before she reached that magic milestone. There was no camraderie, no feeling of something precious shared with others. Everyone was wrapped tight in their own REAL angst and misery by that time, and I am certain that friendships have been permanently strained, if not broken completely.

Why? Each one of us was selfish, and didn't look to the big picture. I've read everyone's post (except for Cryocasm), and see the same 'oh I know this was stupid, poor me, I'm the true victim' in each of the posts. I have to brush myself there too as I was selfish afterwards and hurt that people would not try to put aside things and actually TRY to build an IC reason to help each other. That does NOT show good RP skills, that just shows selfishness and a 'me I've got to have the spotlight diva' mentality.

I really wish Aestas could have had the mission she wanted. I think it was a good idea and the team was reasonably put together. We may not have won, but at least we would have had fun, and not be still feeling hurt.

58-3

Well, the polls are in, and with 58 'chapters' down and 3 (count'em 3) comments, I can safely say that there was little to no interest in the story. I realize it was a very rough draft from National Novel Writing month, but the idea was to see if there was any interest at all in the style of the story, the characters, and the setting. If there is, I didn't see it, so I have to conclude that things suck. Either the rough draft was too rough for comfortable reading, or the writer really needs to quit, or drastically sharpen her skills. I really hope it's the former, but with the way I've been 180 on everything all the time, I just don't know.

The 180

It's well known to my friends by now that A) I'm neurotic like a bad Woody Allen movie, and B) beating a dead horse is a way of life. That being said, the 180 is the glue gthat holds them together.

The 180 is my singular ability to suffer through angst and uncertainty, and when I do need to talk, everything shifts 180 to what is was before, and I'm moaning about nothing, or something completely different. That's happened a lot lately, and I'm wondering maybe if it isn't some kind of judgemnet from a Higher power trying to tell me to shut up and live with it, or talk about things sooner than I do?

Hell if I know. All it seems to do is screw up my friends and I'm sure no on wants to hear me whine. read maybe, but certainly not hear. That and the fact compunded like we are all drifting apart. One friend is hardly on, on has got three other friends and they play togehter all the time, and I'm left wondering where everyone went to.

Anyways, I'd like to RP and do mission with them, but neurotic doesn't do RP well, or if I ever did. I know some people's opinion already. You like someone you find a way to include them, that's the bottom line.