Saturday, August 25, 2007

Paying it Forward

'Radfront' looked out over Steel Canyon from atop the Saharov building. He wished for the fifth time this evening that he could scratch himself, as the new armored fir a bit too snugly and more than a few locations had started to itch as the internal environment compensators were not operating optimally. He sighed in the suit and tried to find a more comfortable position to wait.

Outside the suit, Barry Vaaler was a stocky, brutal-looking man with swarthy skin and thick short-cropped black hair. His eyes were dark brown, almost black and they were the only gentle feature. His face was a series of defined angles made of heavy bone which made his face seem unfinished, as if a sculptor, after making the initial form to a bust, lost interest. Barry's hands were over-large for his five foot-eight inch frame. In fact, Barry could palm a basketball quite easily. Massive muscle bulked along his shoulders and thighs, as if he was supposed to have been taller, but was scrunched into his present form.

The armored Radfront suit was everything Barry was not. It gleamed a rich copper color, with a silvered faceplate, and while stocky, the suit had the lines of an elegant thoroughbred, made to move swiftly and cleanly while performing its tasks. It was, however, Barry thought wryly, a pure pain to wear.

Sokherov Trading, limited, had built this new thirty-story glass and concrete structure on the edge of Steel Canyon's storied financial district, and had started to offer the poor with 'microcredit' financing, an idea based on the fact that the poor would be able to lift themselves out of poverty with a small amount of cash for schooling or business startups, or even for a new set of clothes with which to look for a job.

The Tsoo and the Outcasts both saw this as a simultaneous threat to their established controls in Steel Canyon, and as a new opportunity to extort operating expenses from the company and the community. The attacks on company employees and those who received a loan were vicious enough to have drawn a number of heroes's attention, 'Radfront' being one. By Barry's own count, he had rescued twelve citizens from brutal beatings by the Outcasts.

One of the last Outcasts he had caught had offered to share information to avoid a beating and going to jail, and had told Barry about a job that was going to occur at the Sokherov building. A volt named 'Zach' would be leading the posse, but the thug hadn't know the details other than the location and a vague idea of when the job would be.

Radfront stretched again, and settled back to waiting. After the brutal beatings the Outcasts had been doing to locals, Barry was looking forward to 'paying forward' to the Outcasts. He got up and stretched again, trying to get the suit to fit a little more comfortably, and then checked the other side of the building. He spotted movement below, and hopped off the building, allowing gravity to pull him free-fall until halfway down when he turned on his jet pack and dropped behind three huge dumpsters near the loading dock.

The dumpsters were loaded to overflowing with debris, and the smell of rotting food and refuse permeated the air. As Radfront stepped to the edge of the nearest dumpster, the murmur of voices were picked up by Radfront's helmet microphones. He silently stepped along the wall-side of the dumpster and waited for the intruders to reveal themselves.

“All right my brothers, this is how you open a door,” said a harsh crackling voice. Radfront's suit sensors registered a large increase in electrical potential. There was a sudden spike of power and the tearing sounds of metal, and a crash as something clattered. Radfront's sensors registered ozone production, and a drop in electrical potential. Showtime. He stepped out from behind the dumpsters and onto the loading dock behind the Outcasts. He opened the palms of the suit that connected back to the small fusion reactor under the jet pack, and a debilitating dose of 'soft' radiation staggered the Outcasts. Simultaneously, he cranked the speakers in the suit to full output. “SURRENDER NOW AND I WON'T HURT YOU, MUCH.” The speakers shook dust from the floor of the landing and a few Outcasts covered their ears in pain.

“Freaking cape!”, screamed the blue-skinned leader, and Radfront's suit picked up another increase in electrical potential. Radfront pulsed the Volt with a burst of 'hard' radiation and watched as it sliced through his body, weakening him and causing him to stumble slightly. There was a heavy impact on his right side, and the suit registered an impact that was within ten percent of breaching the armor. Barry turned towards the author of his pain and in a rage, pummled the Outcast with a flurry of angry blows that dropped the villain in his tracks.

The blue-skinned leader had taken the moment to recover himself and a corona of static electricity danced across his body and bathed the area. Radfront's suit beeped a warning that fifty percent of it's reserve power had suddenly been drained away, and the gyro-stabilizer had shorted out. The electrical blast that enveloped the suit drove the wind out of Barry, and another warning beeped at him, indicating the suit's integrity had been breached and that the force-field generator had overloaded and failed attempting to compensate for the attack.

Barry cursed and stepped back of the landing, trying to get distance between himself and the Volt. The suit began recycling to try and bring on-line the compromised systems via secondary pathways, good news but re-booting took time, and time was scarce. A quick, light warble indicated the jet pack was operational again, and Radfront reviewed his options quickly. Stay and fight, or run. There was only one good choice really. Only one opponent was down, and the Volt, backed by eight others made this a no-win. Radfront triggered his jet-pack and fired a burst of radiation over a cone in front of him, attempting to slow pursuit. He had gotten maybe ten feet from the ground when a massive burst of electricity hit the suit, and fried the CPU feedback system, shutting the suit down completely.

The viewscreen showed the ground rushing to meet him, and a bone-snapping impact drove the wind from his lungs, and darkness descended. As consciousness faded, Barry felt a tingling sensation that he recognized as the emergency medical teleport system. Barry awoke on the operating table, and watched groggily as his wounds closed in a matter of moments, healed by one of the resident meta-phsyicians. The 'doctor' enveloped Barry in healing energies and when finished, nodded to the nurse to wheel the gurney out to make room for the next wounded hero.

Barry had only been in that room once before, and had been close to brain-dead when he had arrived. To 'pay off' this life-saving effort would require a large amount of 'active service' to the community, which meant his own investigations and missions would have to wait, as he 'payed forward' the help he received by performing 'active service' to the community. With an inward sigh he downloaded the missions he was 'requested' to participate in to work off this latest 'debt' to the hospital and community.....

Monday, August 20, 2007

This is going to be a more self-centered post than I'm usually comfortable with, as I dislike intensely talking about myself. As some or many of you know, I am diagnosed as having depressive episodes, and these do affect me and my style of game-play. I hate 'poor me' stuff but like anyone who is depressed, I like sympathy and the feeling that people care. To get a handle on things I will usually start soloing a lot and pretty much cut myself off as I don't want to be feeling like a burden or a downer to the other people I game with.

Selfish, yes I know it's selfish. I don't like making people worry or feel like they have to go out of their way to make sure I'm doing all right since I'm not my usual self. At the same time it is comforting to have that support and I admit to craving it even as I'm trying to avoid it. I cannot speak for anyone else about their situation with depression, bi-polar, or any of the myriad other conditions, physical or psychological that manifest. I can only describe personal observations, personal thoughts and guesses on the matter, and hope that these small things may in some way help others make sense of their own unique situations.

So on to the expose'. In my case the depressive episode seems to build over a few days, I notice a tension, but no real other symptoms. The trigger, and that's the best word I can come to, seems to be a situation that creates a feel of exclusion, either real or imagined. It could be something as small as my cat not wanting me to pick her up. Then the episode hits, and I spiral in fast, usually in an hour or so I'm deep into the episode and everything up to that point quits mattering as it feels so useless to try and work on things as all I can think of is how I will mess things up. The episodes last anywhere from about 4 days to 4-5 months. I'm not sure why some last for so long, but it does seem as I have gotten older, the episodes have lasted longer although they do not seem to increase in frequency.

In my experience, the medications I have been prescribed, phenobarbitol, methylphenidate, fluoxitine, etc, have not so much dispelled the symptoms and the results so much as dampened them to the point of tolerance. And with constant usage, three situations have resulted in diminished effectiveness, chemical tolerance, side-effects, and allergic reaction. It is at this last that I have gone off medication as the side-effects to me are more detrimental than the cause for the medication, and that increased dosages also create increased dangers to my overall health.


The cat's out of the bag now, and something like this always changes a dynamic or a relationship. It can't help but do so. This is perhaps the biggest fear I have. That such a 'confession' will diminish me in some manner in the eyes of my friends, and that close friendships will unravel. That happens anyway, people drift according to their own interests and changes in their lives, or because of a new perspective on someone they thought they knew. That is natural, it happens. Life happens.

Beyond this however, is an apology for not participating with my friends as often as I should. I love getting a chance to play with you all, but please forgive me the times when I feel the need to isolate myself until I can feel like I function without causing any distress.